Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
