i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
