Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
