so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
