Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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