Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
