nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
