Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
