I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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