I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
