Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
