you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
