There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
