never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
