i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
