I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
