I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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