please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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