She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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