Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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