So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
