I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
