He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
