HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
