i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
