wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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