If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
