dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
