I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
