Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
