So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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