if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
