I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
