why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
