He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
