i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
