i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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