Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
another moral hangover. fuck.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
