Plan B is the new Plan A
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
