I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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