What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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