she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
