If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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