Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
