I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
