Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
