So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
