she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
