I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
