I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Need sex. Gaining weight.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
